Wednesday, October 27, 2004

The Quest for San Andreas

What lo a light shines forth from the heavens (and Rockstar Games) and Grand Theft Auto arose from the depths and walks the earth anew. San Andreas harkens to me, quickening my spirit, and lightening my step. To the neighborhood Game Shoppe to slake my GTA lust!

There what should I find but a queue of consumers. Men with years between eighteen and thirty-five. All with the same hollow composure bespeaking a need which was kin unto my own. And so a conversion was struck about our shared desire and hopes for the bounty nestled within.

But my hope was dashed. They revealed it unto me that only those who had reserved copies could except to receive them this night. I had not.

Crestfallen I departed homeward, cursing my lack of forethought, swearing to return on the morrow. And return I did, but to find more of the same. For on the morn, GTA was still held in trust for none but the lucky elect. But a promise was made that after noon would see the release to one and all. I looked forward into a future brimming with promise only to be denied again.

I entered into the Game Shoppe for the last time as the sun drifted into slumber in the far west. A dread-locked troll and a kindly appearing succubus entreated me with kind words. But upon my request the succubus pushed her horn-rimmed glasses towards her horn rimmed head and laughed. "Nay wanderer," she sneered, "our only copies are for the registered."

Denied a third and final time. But it was then that a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, "Pray remember good knight, you are a Republican."

Of course thought I, dealing with a small local shoppe was my mistake. Surely I should be true to my nature and bargain with a large faceless corporation! Their superior sales power will ensure that they have the largesse of games on release. Surely their dedication to the great and powerful dollar will ensure that they have games for one and all! And so I traveled far, over darkened highway and narrow road. My trusty steed Mazda carrying me forth, his cast iron heart pumping driving us onward.

Ever onward I pressed until I reached a corporate temple of capitalism. Its facade glimmered with yellow neon and bright glass. And so I strode forward into its belly, moving quickly to best the horde which arose behind me echoing my desires. There upon a cloth clad altar I found my quarry stacked high, GTA: San Andreas!

Ah the gods had smiled upon me for I even received a second game for price less than rental. Blessed be ye fair corporation for what you have done this day! You have transported me to a magic land full of drive-by shootings and the chronic.

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