And Now For Something Important!

Scotch and how you drink it.

I found scotch to be a great wonderworker when I went out with my friends in college. You see even nursing a small glass for hours miraculously still leaves people with the impression that you are a hairy-chested he-man who drinks good stuff. This is mostly because college kids grow up drinking either beer or relatively flavorless fluids like vodka. They sip a little scotch and say "eww this tastes like something." Yes, isn't it wonderful?

I will, however, suggest the following if you should come into possession of Scotch (or other spiritous beverage) that you can't bear to drink. It happened to me once. Cut it with Sprite or a similar beverage. This will mellow the texture and subdue the flavor. You'll probably think it's pretty good afterwards.

Just don't put scotch into a single malt that is older than you are. I beg of you. Send it to me. I'll drink it.